


It Was Me

by cress26



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Post 6.12, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 05:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18423858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cress26/pseuds/cress26
Summary: Filled with remorse for what she'd done, every bone in her body ached to speak to him, to come clean with what she did. She had to tell him the truth, because she couldn't bear keeping it from him any longer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It bothered me that Red and Dembe left without her at the end of 6x12. So, I fixed it.
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful beta heaterpeters for her constant encouragement and help with any idea I come up with.

The yellow elevator door at the post office was closing on Dembe and Red when a foot was shoved between the door and the frame. The elevator door rose up again, revealing Elizabeth standing on the threshold. 

She quickly slipped inside and rudely punched the button so that the door closed again, then the elevator started its journey to descend to the parking level.

“You can’t just leave,” she stated and looked rattled, not quite herself, her eyes darting from Red to Dembe then back to Red. 

“Why not?” Red laughed. “There’s nothing to keep me here.”

He watched her frown, her face hardened. 

“Where are you going?” 

She repeated Aram’s earlier question and Red didn’t miss the honest anxiety in her voice.

“And when will you be back?”

He felt a jolt of anguish at the tense, unhappy expression in her eyes. She seemed as desperate to get away from this place as he was. The events of the day obviously had shaken her up as much.

How many times had he cheated death over the years? He’d managed to survive one close call after another. But this one had been a little too close and he'd need some time to come to terms with what had happened, preferably alone.

For now, he longed for a hot shower and a nice meal, having a large Scotch and maybe smoking a big cigar. Continue to indulge in life with a lot of gusto and face it boldly. 

He tilted his head to one side, gazing into her deeply troubled eyes as his heart went out to her. He shouldn’t leave her alone. Not tonight. She mattered too much, especially now after her earlier confession. And he’d always loved her company.

“Would you like to come with us, Lizzy?”

“Yes please.”

She looked straight back into his eyes as she spoke, a soft, pleading note in her voice. He could feel himself trembling inwardly at the intensity.

When they reached the ground floor and the door opened, she felt his hand at the small of her back, guiding her toward his black Mercedes.  
He opened the car’s back door for her, and she slipped inside, getting comfortable on the leather seats.

Before he entered the vehicle he turned to Dembe.

“Call Edward. Tell him we’re not going.”

“Then where do you want to go, Raymond?”

“The Bethesda apartment.”

~~~~~~~

By the time Red and Dembe had made themselves at home in Red’s ‘weird little apartment’ Liz felt like an intruder. She knew this was Red’s most private and personal space, a place to retreat. 

He almost died today and as much as she believed neither of them should be alone tonight, she knew it was just for her sake that he allowed her to invade his privacy like that. In fact, she didn’t think she deserved to be here at all, not after what she’d done. 

“How do you feel about dinner, sweetheart? Some Chinese takeout?”

He was hospitable, and pleasing in his manners, kept smiling at her, paid attention to her, tried to establish a new intimacy between them that had been lost for so many years. 

“Dembe, get that exquisite orange/pineapple deep fried shrimp I love, will you? And for Liz number 5 and 48, it’s her favorite.”

Dembe nodded and before she could protest, he left them alone. 

When Red excused himself then to take a quick shower before dinner, Liz paced the living room like a tiger in a cage. 

Today had opened her eyes in many ways, not only had she gained clarity about her true feelings, but also just how incredible wrong she had treated him.  
For almost five years she'd known the three words, but she couldn’t say them. And then those years had fallen away in the face of his inevitable death, years reduced to mere seconds left. So, she’d wanted him to know, know that his love for her wasn’t as one-sided as she’d made him believe for so long. 

So, she had finally told him. 

“I love you.”

It had changed everything and yet it was too late. 

When she sat in the witness room, seconds away from witnessing the deathly injection that would enter his bloodstream, she knew watching him die was the rightful punishment for her. Something that would haunt her for the rest of her life, a constant reminder of her selfish actions.

But when the phone rang and Red had been pardoned, she’d been given a second chance. A chance to make it all right.

She sighed. Filled with remorse for what she'd done, every bone in her body ached to speak to him, to come clean with what she did. She had to tell him the truth, because she couldn't bear keeping it from him any longer.

The more affectionate he tried to be tonight, the more regret loomed heavy in her heart and only increased her agonizing, nagging guilt that was about to suffocate her. 

It was her fault he was almost executed. 

She knew the consequences if she’d tell him. He’d be angry. He may actually kill her. He had let her get away with her betrayal once and he still suffered from that heartache. He wouldn’t be so forgiving once more. 

Red emerged from the bathroom, showered and shaved, and looking too scrumptious for words. He was dressed in dark grey suit pants and matching vest over a white-collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top buttons open. 

He appeared certain and hopeful, ready to face the world again with a smile.

He smelled so good too, clean, soapy, everything male and masculine, her throat went dry – she was about to shatter it all. 

Under the shower, Red had wracked his brain about what was bothering her, and he feared she’d take back what she’d said, say that it wasn't true. That her words were meant only to face his demise a little easier. 

“You look fed up,” he ventured attentively, knowing he had to handle her mood with caution. 

Her expression had gone beyond miserable. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it couldn’t be good.

“It was me. I’m responsible for your arrest.”

Her words felt like a blow to the gut.

In his mind he had always known it was her, but his heart had stubbornly disagreed.

Liz saw a muscle twitch under his eye and for a second, she could read hatred in his face and a faint flicker of burning lust to kill in his eyes, before it was replaced by deep sadness and pain. 

He turned away from her eyes then, from that gaze that always managed to soften his heart. 

But not this time. 

He was devastated by her new betrayal. 

“Leave!”

She shook her head. “No.” 

Determination overcame her features and she made no move to leave just yet.

“I know you’re not my father, not even Raymond Reddington. You’re an imposter!”

In that moment, Dembe opened the door, carrying a bag full of Chinese take-out in his hand. He’d overheard Liz’s last words and nodded to her encouragingly, indicating that she should continue.

He quickly placed the food into the kitchen, then left again to let them talk.

Red wordlessly watched the nonverbal exchanged between the two; he couldn’t believe his loyal friend was in in this too. There was no one left that he could trust, and his soul crushed even more. 

After several seconds of tense silence, Liz went on:

“After I found out, I wanted, needed answers. Who you really are and why you pretended to be my father for decades.”

“So, Jennifer and I came up with a plan to get you out of the way, so that we could search for answers without you keeping us from doing so. We wanted the truth and we were prepared to stop at nothing to get it.”

There was no response. No reaction at all. His face was set into stoic, neutral lines, his eyes cold and flinty. 

“But once that plan was set in motion and you were arrested, I had doubts that it wasn’t going so well either. We didn’t find out any more than we already knew. I hurt you for nothing.”

Red crumpled into a nearby chair, a broken man. He brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his fingers into his forehead in a helpless attempt to comprehend what he just heard.

“You nearly had me executed, Elizabeth.” He said in a raspy voice, reflecting his agony.

“I completely underestimated the magnitude of the ordeal, I thought you’d buy or bribe your way out of prison in no time. Sending you to death row was never supposed to happen. I didn’t even think of that possibility until it was too late.

“I tried to help, testify in court for you, pushed myself harder with every case you gave us. 

“It also was never ever my intention to hamstring your escape plan when you finally had one; you have to believe me,” she pleaded. 

He couldn't look at her, had turned away from her to hide his weakness and vulnerability. There was no redeeming explanation for what she'd done, and they both knew it.

“As the prospect of really losing you drew near, I realized what a terrible mistake I’d made. Every answer I was searching for didn’t matter anymore, only what I felt.” 

Liz sank down onto the floor and buried her face against his knees as she started to cry.

Red flinched away from her touch, his entire body going stiff, his face rigid with self-control. 

He heard the pained gasp that was her reaction between the soft sobs coming from her mouth. 

“I don't have any excuse for what I did, you have never done anything to deserve the way I treated you and I’m truly sorry.

“I've made a terrible mistake by holding back my feelings for you for so long. But I do love you, Red. 

“And you have to forgive me. Please forgive me.” 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Red couldn’t respond to Liz’ pleas of forgiveness and reconciliation.

He sat unmoving, losing his sense of time as he tried to take long, slow breaths.

He appeared calm and collected on the surface, but underneath volcanoes erupted, and his stomach churned. His insides screamed and writhed in agony.

Her betrayal hurt more than any physical pain he’d endured his entire life. This was even worse than the time she faked her own death. 

She’d always been able to hurt him like no one else could and he was continuously baffled by her take on things, the impulsive way she reacted and operated, rarely attempting to please, rather taking everything selfishly for her benefit. 

The situation forced him to wrestle with his values and convictions. Any other associate or friend would have to face death for betraying him, but this was Elizabeth, the woman he loved. He couldn’t take her life. 

But what was he supposed to do with her now? 

He detested how her body shook with tremors of terror, her tears and the way she knelt before him in submission and humility, ready to accept whatever fate he decided for her. 

Had either of them really tried to understand the other? Why it was important and vital to keep his secrets; on the other hand, why she was so desperate to find out about them?

He felt lost, helpless and it saddened him that it had come to this.

Was it a mistake thinking he could mislead everyone indefinitely? He’d always acted with great presumption about what information was necessary for some individuals to know. Keeping his secrets had always held the danger at bay for the common good. 

Now his secrets seemed to be the source of endangerment and great harm, mainly because people forcibly tried to seek them out and take the information he desperately hid for so long. 

It had cost lives and the very construction of his own. Everything was falling apart, spiraling out of control and he felt powerless to stop it. 

He found himself at a dead-end street with no direction in sight; too many obstacles, too many negative things hindering his way and any further efforts felt useless.

Maybe it was a call to choose surrender, time to let go of the old ways, to turn around and go back, to preserve what was left of their relationship. 

~~~~~~

Liz could feel the hurt coming off him like heat. She couldn't imagine that he’d let her go without consequences. Afraid to look and see the cruelty in his eyes as he contemplated her death, she kept her eyes closed and waited. What took him so long?

Would he strangle her? Strangle every spark of life out of her, till she lay completely inert and relaxed forever, a soft heap lying dead between his hands?

Or would he shoot her? Her blood spattered all over the floor and against the wall. Would she be dead instantly or would he slowly let her bleed out?

Her very thoughts sent chills through her body and brought tears to her eyes.

“We’re going to end this, once and for all.” He said, his voice suddenly cutting through the harsh silence.

He stood up and grabbed her arms, pulling her with him. She was trembling with panic and despair as she realized her fate was sealed.

His face was stone-like as he looked at her and released his grip, then turned away.

He crossed the room to get a drink. As he poured the amber liquid, he wasn't sure whether he meant the drink as a bane to keep her away forever or a charm to bring them back closer.

He gulped his drink straight down before he spoke:

“What do you want to know?”

Liz held her breath and stopped crying. Did she hear right or did she just hear what she wanted to hear? 

She found him looking at her and she held his gaze with a questioning stare. She was surprised to see the weariness on his face. Had he just offered to answer her questions?

She was puzzled and perplexed, not knowing what to say; she certainly didn't expect this turn of events.

She had a million questions, but in this moment not one came to mind. Helplessly she looked around the room until she spotted the photograph of her mother. 

“I know I killed my father and I know you took his identity. Why? And what else are you not telling me? Are you somehow responsible for my mother’s death? Couldn’t or wouldn’t you prevent her from walking into the ocean?”

Before he could answer, she continued. 

“It’s alright, I hardly remember her and from what I know now she wasn’t even a very good person.”

“She wasn’t as bad as you see her either.”

“For me personally, when you killed Sam, that was worse.”

“I didn’t kill Katarina, Elizabeth.”

“Then what? Were you in love with her?” 

She remembered she had asked him this question before. 

“Was she ordered to seduce you too?” 

Red bit the inside of his cheek. 

“I can’t say she didn’t try. Back then it was a common method to gain information through sex. It still is to this day, I suppose.”

Liz looked disgusted.

“She was a very attractive woman, but no, I wasn’t in love with her and we never …”

He didn’t finish when he saw a relieved sigh ripple through Liz. 

“I loved my wife and my daughter very much and I witnessed how both your parents’ lives fell apart in time with the affair. I didn’t want that for myself.”

“How did you get tangled up in all that in the first place?”

It was now or never. He had started the conversation and could no longer shield her from the truth.

Would he tell her? Would he finally put all his cards on the table? 

“Please tell me,” she whispered.

He cleared his throat and seized her attention with a look full of meaning.

“I was sent on an undercover mission to locate and watch your father Raymond Reddington. There were rumors about a secret group called the Cabal pulling strings in global affairs and I had orders to find out if he was involved. Also, there was talk about him fraternizing with the Russian enemy.

“I quickly found out about the entanglement he had with your mother Katarina and at the same time, as luck would have it, Constantin Rostov was looking for a driver. 

“I used my fake Russian ID and was hired as a chauffeur. I drove everyone around to meetings and appointments, but very soon Katarina used me for her very own purpose. 

He continued his story as Liz sat quietly, listening intently to every word.

“Over a period of months, she and I became close, she trusted me and confided in me about the relationship with your father and the work she carried out for the KGB and the Cabal. She managed to juggle many of these tasks on a daily basis with little or sometimes no help at all.

He inhaled deeply, thinking through his words before reciting them. 

“So, it was only natural that I started to protect her when she met trouble in a meeting or helping her escape from sticky situations. I had her back in gunfights, or simply waited for her in the car when she had secret rendezvous’ with Reddington. 

“But most importantly, I stayed with you, watched over you when your mother brought you along. She only ever completely trusted Mr. Kaplan or me with you. 

“You were a cute little girl, always a twinkle in your eyes and a quick smile. Your mother adored and loved you very much,” he pointed out with a wry smile.

“I’d talk or read to you when you were unhappy or fussy. Just listening to my voice seemed to calm you down. I started to tell you everything about me. About my life, my family, my journey, my dreams.”

“Quite the irony, considering you’re keeping everything from me now,” Liz cut in but Red pretended it didn't bother him and continued. 

“I wasn’t surprised when Katarina confessed to me that your real father was Raymond Reddington and I even helped her fake the DNA report that made Constantin your biological father."

“Did my mother know who you really were and what your mission was?”

“I don’t know. If she knew she never said anything.” He shrugged and carried on. 

“You were four years old when things started to become difficult. Reddington had stolen the Fulcrum, the only ever proof the Cabal were real and dangerous, prompting your parents to fight instead of love each other. The KGB grew more and more suspicious about your mother’s disposition and the Cabal increased pressure on her to betray your father and bring the Fulcrum back. 

“The Cabal were ruthless in their methods. Threats, blackmail and hurting innocent people were high on their agenda. Once trapped in their claws there was no way out. They gained leverage over your mother by threatening to take and harm you." 

A shocked expression crossed Liz' face. 

"Katarina became constantly worried about you and in response, Reddington kidnapped you and brought you to the U.S. He hid the Fulcrum in your bunny, and it all came down at the night of the fire. Everyone who was involved came for your parents or the Fulcrum. 

"With no one reckoning you’d shot your father, the house was set ablaze. It was me who pulled you from the wardrobe during the fire."

“I know,” Liz whispered. 

“There was so much smoke, and heat and I could hardly see, and I fell.”

“The man burning on the floor… that was you?”

Liz’s eyes shot open wide with shock. 

“Yes, and in your distress, you mistook me for your father … That’s how we eventually came up with the imposter idea in the first place.

“In the end, you saved my life, Elizabeth. You tugged and pulled frantically at my clothes, trying to put the fire out. You burned your wrist and you screamed loud enough until you were heard and help arrived. 

“After the fire, we quickly figured out that as long as the Cabal believed Raymond Reddington had the Fulcrum, everyone was safe. So, Raymond Reddington had to live on.

“It took me weeks to recover enough from my burns to start the medical transformation. In all that time your mother was relentlessly hunted by the Cabal for being unable to retrieve the Fulcrum and by the KGB for being a traitor. Everyone was after her. She was running, alone, scared and unable to care for her child like this. Giving you away to Sam was the only way to ensure they wouldn’t come after you as well.

“She became desperate, hopeless and the thought of dying seemed like the only way out.

“The day I started the transformation was the day your mother walked into the ocean. Maybe I could have saved her if I didn’t commit myself into the clinic that day, but by becoming Raymond Reddington I chose to protect you instead of her.”

“Why did you agree to this plan? Why become someone else?”

“The Cabal was hunting me too. The same Christmas Reddington disappeared, I came home to find my own family murdered, mutilated, and torn to pieces.”

Red paused and swallowed deeply. The painful images had been burned permanently into his mind. 

Liz choked up at the revelation. She’d always thought he purposely had abandoned his family. It had never occurred to her that he had lost them in terms of them being murdered. 

“I didn’t know that.” She sniffled as she tried to stop her tears, but it didn't work, and she just cried.

“It was a warning to stay out of their business,” he went on. “But I had nothing to lose anymore. The life I knew was gone and I swore to myself that I’d keep you safe. I wouldn’t let you meet the same fate my family or your parents had to suffer. 

“I committed myself wholly to your care and protection. Became the crime lord Raymond Reddington the world started to fear. It was all a fraud, but it worked. I was able to keep the Cabal off our backs for decades.”

Despite the apparent pride in his voice, Liz sensed his sorrow as he went on:

“In your first days with Sam, you started to have horrible nightmares. You cried out for your mother and your father, but both were gone forever.

“Taking away your memory was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I kept telling myself that if I could make you forget the people you loved, I could protect you from the pain of their loss too.”

Red fell silent, his tale finished.

“Is that all there is?” she asked gently.

“Yes. You grew up into the beautiful woman you are today and I … the day we met at the post office... what I felt for you then… it went beyond care and protection ...”

He worked his mouth but couldn’t say it, couldn’t lay open his heart naked and bare to her.

“What I did … It was never because of Katarina, never because of your father. It was always only because of you.”

It was the last piece of the puzzle. 

“Your secret is love… That’s all that it is… you love me… Back then until now,” Liz stated dumbfounded. 

“Yes.”

He hung his head in defeat as her eyes widened once more, listening his open confession.

Liz got up and laughed in relief, in pleasantly surprised wonder, as she wiped away a fresh trail of tears. 

He heard the lighthearted sound pass her lips and he looked up to meet her eyes. 

They stood there looking at one another and he appeared wounded as she approached him and reached for his hand with a gentle touch. 

What was she going to do with him? Ridicule his emotions? Deny him? Reject him? Send him to hell?

Love him in return for the rest of his life?

She wrapped her arms around his waist then and hugged him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

Slowly, slowly, he gathered her tighter in his arms, sighing with the soft feel of her pressed against him.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The content of this chapter basically has been my very own theory for the longest time. I know it's not completely thought through and the episode tomorrow will tell me different as well, but I do hope he did it all out of love. :)  
> Thank you again to my beta heatherpeters, my sidekick and partner in crime. ♥


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead, so much so that I decided to break it into two parts. 
> 
> Thank you once more to my beta heaterpeters for all her help whenever I'm stuck. 
> 
> All these two want is to be together, but at least it should make sense. I hope it does. 
> 
> :)

They stood in each other’s arms for a long time. She felt so good he didn't want to let go of her.

Her nearness always did things to him. Feelings he was powerless to control. He knew he shouldn't give in so easily, but she was his ultimate weakness. 

Holding her felt so much better; all anger, hurt and betrayal vanished as he felt his need for her hit hard deep inside.

The scent of her hair mesmerized him as he pressed his cheek against the silken strands. Her breasts molded to his chest and her hips pushed impossibly closer to his. Desire consumed his body, obliterating all else. There was only her. 

It was frightening how much he longed to kiss her, just once. If only he could, yet he was uncertain to make that first move. 

Instead he held on a little longer, hoping she wouldn’t loosen her arms from him any time soon.

She inhaled deeply against his skin, absorbing his scent. He smelled so amazing, a tantalizing mix of earth and oak, of spicy tree bark and masculine desire.  
She had the overwhelming urge to lick his earlobe, and she drew in another shaky breath, trembling with the sudden urge and intensity. It was simple, she craved the taste of him. 

Her thighs squeezed together, trying to quench the warm, growing ache that bloomed between them. He made her wet from his proximity. 

She tilted her head, rubbing her cheek against his masculine jaw. It smelled faintly of shaving cream. 

The fragile hold on his self-control was slipping with the first moan that fell from her lips at the contact. 

Tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure it was what she wanted, he gathered her face to him, made her look at him. They stared at each other for long, silent, heart-thumping moments, then she leaned in at the same time he did, her eyelids fluttered closed. 

His kiss was so soft and tender and electrifying and numbing all at the same time. She opened her mouth to him, feeling his tongue slip inside to rasp along her own, tasting and tangling. 

He buried his fingers into her hair and their kiss became more urgent and more passionate. Liz shamelessly pressed closer against him, pushing the top of her thigh against his groin, sensuously rubbing him as she felt the quiver of his need, his unrestrained hunger for her. 

A fragment of his mind insisted this wasn't right. This wasn't what was supposed to happen. 

His body screamed that it was. 

He groaned and abruptly broke away, tearing his mouth from hers. His hands fell from her hair reluctantly and he saw huge blue eyes staring at him in confusion.

“If you think that seducing me is getting you out of this mess, you’re not much different than your mother.” 

The sting of her palm against his cheek was nothing compared to the hurt that came with the anguished sob tearing from her throat. 

“As far as I could tell, you were participating,” she spat, tears running down her face. 

She turned away from him, not wanting him to see her break. Loving always involved loss, and now was no exception. 

The kiss made her believe that their relationship had changed for the better, and at the same moment, she'd lost any hope of forging a deeper bond with him.

Why did he say things like that?

"You really can't forgive me, can you, Red?"

"Forgiving you isn't the issue, Elizabeth.” 

His eyes turned gloomy. This wasn’t easy to say. 

“I can't forget, and I don't trust you not to hurt me again."

Her heart started to fall apart again, and the guilt drowned her.

“I know it was a horrible, horrible mistake. Faking my death was, too. I’m endlessly sorry for what I’ve done.”

Liz was starting to feel as if she could say it a hundred times and that it would never make a difference.

“I wasn’t trying to seduce you or fool around just to make things better between us.” 

She looked at him again.

“I do love you and I genuinely wanted the intimacy.”

She paused briefly for the message to sink in but not long enough for Red to think how to respond.

“I know you love me too, so why do we continue to hurt each other? Isn't it time we stop?”

Her voice broke on a fresh flood of tears when he didn’t answer.

“Well… then I guess it’s time to leave after all.”

Liz grabbed her coat, then headed for the door, reaching for the handle. 

He obviously needed time to come to terms with today’s events and revelations. She understood that backing off to give him space seemed to be the right choice of action, to let him sort out his feelings and how to proceed with her in the future. 

Maybe keeping a distance for a while was a good thing too, for them both.

But before she could open the door, he suddenly stood close behind her, his hand grabbing the door knob, preventing her from leaving. 

While he didn’t touch her, his presence enveloped her just the same. 

“No, don’t go.”

He was angry and frustrated with himself for not being able to handle the situation more appropriately. He felt utterly stressed, unable to reason correctly or intelligently as he felt swayed by his desire and feelings. 

All he wanted was having her back in his arms.

She turned to face him and one glance at his conflicted face calmed her as nothing else could have, because one emotion stood out in comparison to all the others: longing. 

He carefully clasped her hand in his and held it for a long time, stroking her knuckles with his fingers.

“You’re right. I’m hurt; you’re hurt.”

He leaned forward until his forehead rested against hers. 

“No more.”

They both let out a long sigh, and she felt so much better, just from that little gesture.

He couldn't fight it anymore; he found himself losing this internal struggle whether to push her away. Yet, how could he compete with the scent of her, those seductive eyes, the warmth of her that never failed to arouse him. Damn, he was lost; he lost himself in all that was Lizzie. In the end, she was his weakness, his pain and pleasure, his one and only love.

Their eyes met and held; so much unspoken between them, yet at this moment no words would suffice. She knew what he was feeling, and she felt the same.

He lowered his head and began to nuzzle her cheek until, raising her face, she met his mouth. 

His kiss was gentle, his lips brushed against hers, telling her words that were stuck in his throat. It felt very much like an honest apology, and she responded with mutual consent.

Framing her face in his large hands, he drew back, _I love you_ his eyes said, then he kissed her from another angle, then another. Each kiss was slow, moist, intimate. 

Her arms wound themselves around his neck and pulled him closer. This time, she was the one who deepened the kiss. Her tongue brushed tentatively against his lips until he parted them. With a small moan in the back of her throat she plunged it into his mouth, and in answer, he groaned his approval. 

Their tongues met in an erotic dance of penetration and retreat, turning more and more desperate, urgent and devouring until they reeled from the sensations coursing through their bodies as their earlier arousal made itself known once again.

Wanting to feel his skin, she tugged at his clothes. He had to unwillingly move his hands from her as his vest fell to the floor.

“Sweetheart, maybe we shouldn’t…?”

She answered him by slowly unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his naked chest, covered with a fascinating pattern of hair trailing down his belly and below. 

She brazenly rubbed her head against him, nuzzling him, breathing him in and raining little kisses all over his rib cage. 

“This is exactly what we should, Red.”

Her attempt at boldness intensified his arousal tenfold. His body reacted as if he had been starved for years and he probably had. 

She reached for his belt buckle, yanking it open with shaking hands. He could tell from the small urgent sounds Liz was making that she was equally aroused.  
Reaching inside his fly, she pulled him out to rub the long thick erect shaft of his manhood and the heavy swollen sacs beneath. He made a choking noise as her fingers curled around his heated length, squeezing and pumping him gently.

“Lizzy,” he growled hard, a warning beneath her name. 

She stroked him again and the next thing she knew she was pushed across the room, then hauled up onto the kitchen counter, her legs spread wide as he moved between them. Looming over her, his face was taut and desperate with need. 

Red wanted her so bad he hurt with it, shook with it, a throbbing pain in his heart, in his gut and in his cock.

Impatient fingers yanked open the zipper of her sweat jacket, then he quickly shed it along with her black t-shirt, leaving her in only her floral laced bra. With a flick of his thumb and index finger, he unhooked the bra, watching as the sides separated to reveal pale mounds of flesh tipped with dark stiff centers. 

He lowered his head to her breasts, pulling first one then the other nipple into his hungry mouth, sucking and caressing her until she cried out from the pleasure of it.

His hands worked her pants, and she lifted her hips frantically as he pushed them down her body.

She ached against his palm, suddenly feeling his big warm hand in her panties, his fingers encountered her hot slick sex.

His breath came in sharp ragged pants as his fingers slipped through her folds, gliding over her clit and digging deeper. She cried out and lifted his hips against him again as he sank a long thick finger deep inside her. 

“Yes, just like that,” she hissed and dug her nails into his shoulder. 

A moan of complete surrender purred from her throat, her openness and unconditional trust she gave him humbled him like nothing in his life ever had. It drove him on, made him ruthless in taking what he wanted. 

“Lizzy, Lizzy.” Red’s voice was ragged and broken, unrecognizable at the feel of her greedily clenching around his finger. 

“You’re driving me crazy.”

She murmured her approval when he tore her underwear away and urged him to hurry, her whole body shaking in anticipation. 

He couldn’t stop himself, and Liz didn’t want him to. They each needed to feel closer, they needed to feel each other. 

“I need to be inside you,” he rasped and in a long, single thrust his erection broke past her wet opening and was pushing into her, hard and thick and way larger than she would have dared to expect. 

She received him, all the way up to the hilt and his strangled cry of delight merged with hers and filled the room.

That instant of connection was terrifying in its power. He’d wanted her for so long, and now she was his. The sensations were beyond words and the urge to move was too strong for them to remain still. 

She wrapped her legs around his hips and clung to his arms as he scooped his hands under her butt.

He kissed her, his tongue plunging into her mouth almost as rough and wild as his hard length below.

She was so tight, so snug and his cock massaged her more deeply than she’d ever been touched, stimulating her with steady, relentless pressure and friction. 

They were both panting as he shoved his cock in and out of her, pumping rhythmically and making sure to grind against her clit with his body.

His movements were demanding and urgent, hard and fast and graceless, and in under a minute they both came.

Her orgasm exploded and he heard a sob escaping her mouth along with his name as she squeezed and convulsed around his thrusting cock.

He looked at her just in time to see the ecstasy and pleasure on her face as she came for him. 

That was all it took.

His body pressed hard against hers then, his hands still clamped around her hips, his shoulders taut with tension, his cock swelling even thicker inside of her before he emptied out, slamming into her one more time on a long and husky groan. 

For several more minutes they remained locked together, completely spent. He had tucked her against his chest with his arms wrapped protectively around her.

She could feel his nose in her hair, his breath hot on her neck as he inhaled then exhaled. 

“That was wonderful,” Liz said, her voice soft and breathy.

“I’m sorry I hurried it so much, next time will be slower I promise.”

“Do you hear me complaining? I needed you as much.”

They kissed and he held her a while longer, savoring their closeness until eventually he moved away, carefully taking steps back. 

When he pulled out of her, the friction of his cock sliding out caused another mini aftershock and left her trembling in almost embarrassing certainty that she was still so aroused. 

He was still fully dressed, his shirt clung to his skin, his pants hung open and Liz took note of the long length of flesh peeking out, still at half-mast. 

Again, it was obvious they both needed and felt the same.

“I do have a bedroom, you know,” he told her smiling and held out his hand for her to help her coming down from the kitchen counter. 

“Oh really,” she grinned and took the offered hand.

“Show me!”

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut continues. That's really all it is.  
> Thank you to my dear friend heatherpeters for all her help and beta on this story.

Liz sat perched on the edge of Red’s bed, completely naked, still holding his hand, looking up to him. 

She thought he looked both adorable and sexy with his clothes loosened, stained and crumpled, glancing at her all embarrassed and flustered from their quick romp on the kitchen counter. 

She knew all he wanted was to make it right this time but in truth she didn't mind at all - far from it. She enjoyed the fact that she could turn him on just like he aroused her. 

Red had made love to many women, but none had ever inflamed him, caused him to lose control as Liz did. He was amazed by her subtle allure, her brazen enjoyment of sex and pleasure. 

She deserved a prolonged proper loving and he was determined to make sure it was a night she'd never forget.

His breathing quickened as his gaze took in all of her, then roamed her naked body.

Her breasts were soft and firm, her buttocks gracefully rounded, her legs delicately curved. Silken hair fell onto her smooth shoulders and her moist lips parted in an enticing smile.

“You're so, so beautiful,” he breathed, catching the look in her eyes, deep and inviting, loving, and far more radiant than he’d ever seen her before. 

His hands started to tremble as he pushed his pants down past his hips and stepped from them. 

He wanted to be as naked as she. He longed to feel every inch of her skin with all of him, but he grew anxious about what she would discover. 

His unsteady fingers fumbled with the hem of his shirt and sensing his hesitation, she stood up from the bed and put her hands on his naked chest, feeling the frantic hammering of his heart.

“What’s wrong, Red?” She asked, her lovely blue eyes clouded in concern.

Wordlessly he took her hand from his chest and softly kissed the scar on the inside of her wrist.

She understood instantly and distinctly what he meant, and lifted her fingers to caress his cheek in response. 

“Let me see.”

He closed his eyes when she shrugged his shirt off his shoulders. 

She gasped aloud at the shocking extent of scar tissue running from over his left shoulder down over his upper back. She slowly moved behind him, examining the marks carefully as she lightly ran her fingers over them. 

She was overcome by an unexpected surge of yearning. A feeling of such tenderness and overwhelming love for him welled up in her.

She craved to put all his hurt and suffering to rest, to free him from the memories of death and loss. She needed to give him a sense of healing, helping him untie all the knots in his mind, body and soul, especially the ones she had inflicted. 

She sank to the floor submissively and took his cock into her mouth in an act of self-punishment as well as devotion. 

She proceeded to suck him, lick him then roll her tongue around him, silently begging for forgiveness. 

His eyes flew open and he saw her on her knees before him.

God, her mouth felt wonderful. He hardened and lengthened right away, and he groaned as desire swept through him, burning and intense, threatening to push all reason from his mind.

But it wasn’t right.

“Lizzy, no!”

His words were nothing more than a harsh gasp.

“You don’t have to do this.”

He shifted, moving his hips, his cock, away from her mouth. 

“Not for this reason.”

She looked confused and disappointed and lowered her eyes. When he put his finger under her chin to lift them back up, they were filled with tears.

"How can you say that to me? I’m here because I love you, I want you.”

“I know that now, sweetheart.”

“Then why do you keep on pushing me away?"

“You don’t need to prove it to me. I can see it in your eyes.”

He gently wiped her tears away with his fingers, and she took his hand and kissed it. 

“But I enjoyed giving myself to you this way. Didn’t it feel good?”

“You have no idea how good it felt,” he whispered, his voice quivering at the memory. 

Liz laid her hand on his thigh, that simple action sending his heart rate soaring out of control once more. 

A deep shudder powered through him when she took him back into her mouth. 

He groaned and hissed in surrender as her tongue swirled over him, her lips sucking, her hand pumping him.

She looked up at him, her eyes tangled with his, and his gut clenched at the picture of her dark pools of blue watching him while she gave him pleasure. 

He was certain he just wouldn’t last – again.

“Lizzy…” he panted as he felt the waves of pleasure so intense, he nearly exploded. 

Liz felt the moment his orgasm gripped him, his harsh groans escaping his throat as the first spurt of come hit her tongue. She was coming undone with him as love surged through her and she consumed the proof of his emotions for her. 

Red was shaking and breathing hard as he lifted Liz from the ground into a standing position. He pulled her against him, his kisses causing tiny groans to escape her as her entire body became enflamed with her need for him. 

He released her and she climbed onto the bed, unable to resist sliding her hand between her legs to massage the incessant, throbbing ache that Red had built up within her.

She knew he needed time to recover but she couldn’t help smiling when he let out a low growl and his eyes sparkled with renewed lust.

“You’ll not start without me.”

With a speed that made her gasp and laugh at the same time, he joined her on the bed, then gathered her against him, leaning down to kiss her again. 

The soft smoothness of her flesh sang against his. Her breast rose and fell with each breath she took, then she lifted one leg to stroke her foot along his calf. 

Sensations coursed through him, too fast and too many to count as he ran his hands down the length of her body, caressing her, his warm mouth followed, tracing every curve, every line, hunting for places that pleased her.

His hands enclosed her breasts, and ever so gently rotated, sensitizing her nipples and creating an escalating fire between her legs. 

Liz arched against him, mindless with need, her body offering itself up to him.

Answering her silent request, he splayed her legs outward with his hands on her inner thighs, then crawled over, knelt between her feet, then moved between her outstretched legs. 

His hands glided over her tension filled abdomen, then down her hips. He cupped her butt and drew her to his mouth, humming when he found her sweetness. 

She was so wet and ready, dripping for him.

He swept his tongue through her folds in slow long licks, sucking fiercely on her swelling clit and reveling in the way it hardened against his lips as she bucked into his face. Her soft cries and moans spurred him on. Her juices were unlike anything he’d ever tasted, her skin felt like pure silk against his mouth as he lashed at her clit and nipped her inner thigh.

Her fingernails scraped his head, then she tugged on his ears, pulling him deeper between her legs, so feisty and in command of what she wanted and willing to take it. He loved that. He loved an equal partner, one who challenged him, independent and fierce. Liz was proving to be all those things. 

“Red,” she breathed, pushing even harder into his face, thrusting forward, her legs trembling. 

“Come for me Lizzy. Come hard.”

She filled his mouth with a warm gush of her wetness, her clit pulsating as he continued to feast, loving the sounds she made as she came.

He was beside her and held her in his arms, soothing the last of the tremors flowing through her. 

She lifted her head and her gaze met his. She shivered at the raw hunger she saw in his eyes. Trailing hot kisses along his cheek, she nibbled and sucked on his earlobe, just as she’d fantasized from the very beginning. 

“Tell me what you want.” She hummed into his ear, making his cock twitch against her thigh in response. 

He rolled over on his back.

“Ride me.”

She shuddered at the thought of climbing on top of him and touching him. Her naughty grin assured him she liked the idea very much.

She straddled him and reached for his throbbing member. He was so hard yet so delicately silky in her hand as she lifted her hips and notched him into place. Her hair fell forward as she bore down on him, the thick broad head breaching her wet entrance. 

Biting down on her lip to stop herself from screaming, her body adjusted to the heavy invading length, the immenseness of him impaling her fully at last.

He watched her with eyes that glowed with desire, making the act of taking him inside her even more sensual.

“Good?” he asked. 

“Oh yes,” she moaned, utterly overwhelmed. “I need this.”

Resting her hands on his shoulders, she began to move up and down over him, first slowly to establish a rhythm, then quickly picking up speed and vigor, moaning at the way he split her open, the way he grazed her walls and knocked her cervix. 

She squeezed her muscles tightly each time she raised herself and kept them tight as she pushed back down. 

She felt everything, every hard, powerful inch of him, and it felt incredible.

“This feels so right, Raymond. So good,” she moaned, using his full name as she arched and writhed, driving the rhythm to madness, driving herself to madness above him.

Emotion built within her, filled her, embraced her, enthralled her. She wanted this to be excruciating, exhilarating and unforgettable for them both.

The tension wound tightly inside her, demanding release, but she strained to last longer and nearly sobbed at the exquisite torture. 

Red didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more erotic in his life than Elizabeth sitting on top of him, her hair in wild disarray, her body bare to his gaze, her face contorted in pleasure and pain as she fought to prolong the inevitable climax. 

He cupped her breasts, caressed them, brushing her nipples with tender strokes, matching the rhythm of their joined bodies.

“Look at me.” He ordered as she focused on his face.

“Let me see you come for me again, sweetheart.” He murmured.

He brought his thumb up to brush over her engorged clit, teasing her heated flesh until it hit her like a blow. She threw her head back and cried out as her release finally tore through her, making her shake violently above him. 

He pulled her down onto his chest, holding her close before turning and tucking her beneath him. He started to pump into her again, awakening her passion once more. 

She wrapped her legs around his hips and eagerly met him thrust for thrust. He was glad he was able to prolong his arousal this time, giving her all the pleasure she deserved. 

The moment was overwhelming. No man had ever loved her so thoroughly, so all-consuming. Never before had her body had been so in sync with anyone. Within seconds, they were panting and gasping in union, both frenzied with desire. 

She came again with a suddenness that clenched him in a hot fist and pushed him beyond the brink with her. He muffled her cries with a kiss and came hard, the sweet contractions of her core milked him, drew him in as he spilled himself inside her. He closed his eyes in bliss and let out a low and surly roar against her mouth, continuing to thrust until every drop of him was inside her. 

When their bodies finally eased, he rolled from her, urging her to cuddle with him, while Liz grew grateful for his strong arms wrapped around her. 

He tried to move but she made a sound of protest and held him tighter, her arms and legs like ropes, binding him to her. 

He chuckled at her endearing possessiveness and let her snuggle all the way she wanted. 

Drowsiness threatened to overtake him eventually, but he wasn’t ready to rest just yet. 

“It has been a long day, aren’t you tired, love?” She asked him, stroking a hand over his chest, playing with the fine hair. 

“I don’t want to miss a second of this, of finally having you in my arms.”

She smiled at his words, but then looked up at him, turning serious. 

“Why did you keep your love for me a secret?”

Red thought long before answering, a deep, heavy pause. What he was about to say was of supreme importance. 

“I always thought I’d be a fool by giving away my strength for love and to be loved in return, that I’d end up too weak to stand, too weak to fight. That I could be blinded by my desire to make rational decisions and to lose sight of what’s best for you.” 

He sighed. 

“But then there was Tom and I never could stand a chance against him anyway. God knows I tried.” 

“He was a mistake that can never be undone.” Liz looked away ashamed.

“I tried to make sure no one could link you to me. I knew every enemy would try to attack and harm you to get to me. Unfortunately, they did nevertheless, despite people not knowing our real connection. To work with you was a bold but precarious arrangement, but I truly believed I could protect you more by being close.”

“So, you secretly kept loving me, tried to hold your adversaries at bay while the real enemy turned out to be me. The woman you loved. I hurt, betrayed and deceived you so many times.”

“Yes, you did.”

He'd spoken of it matter-of-factly, but she saw the hurt, the vulnerability lurking behind his solemn green eyes. 

“Please know that I am truly sorry for all of the pain I have caused. You are the love of my life and nothing will ever change that. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that and I hope that someday you’ll be able to forgive me.”

“Lizzy, I already have.”

He tucked her hair behind her ear and claimed her lips again in a slow soft kiss.

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” 

“Tell me,” she said, sniffling as tears threatened to fall.

“You make me want things I shouldn’t want. You make me want to lock the door and keep you all to myself because I need you. That’s why I’ve never been able to walk away. So, I took all the pain you’ve caused because not having you in my life hurts even more.”

She took his face into her hands and looked at him imploringly. She suddenly knew the solution. How to make it all better and of having a real chance to be together indefinitely.

“Can’t we just take Agnes and the money you gathered together for me and leave? Leave it all behind? Go away and never look back?”

He stared at her in stupefied amazement before he could fully grasp the meaning.

“Are you serious? Do you really know what you just suggested?”

“Yes Red.”

“You’d go away with me? Give up your entire life just for me?”

“If you’d want to have us, yes.”

“I would, in an instant.”

“Okay, then let’s do it!”

She didn't think she'd ever seen him this happy before, but the expression on his face couldn’t be denied. 

Red looked ecstatic: vibrancy and energy flashed in his eyes, chasing away the veil of gloom that always seemed to surround him. If anything, her love empowered him, not weakened him.

“I’ll make all necessary arrangements first thing in the morning.”

He gazed at her with all the love in the world as she nestled back close against him. She knew it was the right decision.

He couldn’t help but smile. 

The day that had started off to be the end of his life, turned out to be a new beginning, with the woman he loved. 

The End


End file.
